The emotional waking up process for me was very slow, hindered by the fact that I believed that I was already awake. I could see that others had a way to go, but me? No way! I was one of the lucky people who just managed to have it all together; but I was very excited about the idea of working, in some capacity, with those who didn't, to try and bring them to my advanced state! Oh, how the arrogant fall and oh, how very hard.

It was no coincidence that in 2004 I would find myself training to be a coach at the Ford Institute for Integrative Coaching.  Debbie Ford, one of the world's foremost educators in emotional healing and growth, is a hard taskmaster.  She demands that coaches training with her do their own emotional work and do it deeply and comprehensively. In the beginning, I don't think I was too bothered by the prospect of having to go through the various emotional processes. Surely, for a well rounded person like myself, it would be a quick and relatively painless process.  Who knows? I might even learn something new or useful to share with others.

I was a very short way into the programme when the concept of "responsibility" was introduced.  "Easy," I thought.  "I've always been a very responsible person.  I know all about this." This was to be one of my many falls. Not so much an "aha" moment as a sudden, hard tumble. 

Responsibility, in this context, meant understanding that my life and its unfolding was absolutely 100% up to me. No one was coming to rescue me. No one was coming to propel me to fame and fortune. No one. The events of my life and the unfolding of the following decades were absolutely my responsibility; and not just in one aspect of my life but in them all: my relationships, my career, my finances etc.  If I wanted the life that I dreamed of then I had better get really clear about what it was I wanted in my life and how I was going to bring that about. 

At that moment, I knew that it was true. I had been waiting.  I'd been waiting for my lucky break; that "special" person to discover my talents and skills and deliver me into my fantasy life.  The fall to earth was very painful. Waking up from a lovely dream can be like that. I can remember saying to myself back then: "So guess what, Jenny?  He or she is not coming. No one is coming.  It's all up to you. Every darn thing is your responsibility.  Whatever it is that you want (and you had better get clear on what that is) you will have to make it happen.  You and you alone."

I can remember feeling really annoyed. "I don't want to take responsibility for every aspect of my life.  It's too much. It's too hard."  Before long I was bargaining.  "Well, maybe if I take full responsibility for my health, lady luck will take care of my career and finances."  Soon after that came a feeling of sadness.  "I've missed the boat.  I've waited too long.  I've been secretly waiting for that lucky break that will never come."

Finally, when I stopped fighting and just accepted the idea, came peace. I realised I was actually okay with the fact that no one was coming.  In fact, I was ready to take hold of the reins of my life.  I knew I could do it. At that point in my training I had a long, long way to go.  But for the first time, I had awoken and made a choice. My choice was responsibility and it felt really, really good.

About the author

I led staff in the health sector here in NZ for many years (charge nurse, unit manager, project manager) before co-establishing a training and health consultancy company. After studying intensely in the USA I came to realise that most leaders focus on the external world when it is a focus on the internal world that brings about extraordinary leadership. Come and join me on an extraordinary journey...