With the end of the year coming up extraordinarily fast, I am reminded again of the huge stress that this time of the year often brings to families who live day to day with a child or young adult with autism. Instead of a relaxing refreshing holiday, families are often faced with increased anxiety,tantrums, tears, and incredible amount of stress as they try to navigate the long holiday season. I wanted to share a few tips I have learnt as the parent of a young adult daughter with autism.

Autism spectrum disorder (ASD) is a lifelong developmental disability affecting social and communication skills. People with the disability can also have accompanying learning disabilites, however whatever the general level of intelligence, everyone with the condition, shares a difficulty in making sense of their world.

What this means is that the child or young person with ASD relies heavily on routines and structure to know what is required of them in their day to day living. Usually at school there is structure and routine,and predictability,which helps the child or young person to feel safe and secure. Not so in the holidays. All that 'normality' goes out the window in favour of crowded shopping malls, silly men in santa suits, and all the associated unpredictable chaos. All of this and more can result in a corresponding increase in anxiety and obsessional behaviours.

Ask yourself -What is the priority for these holidays?

Create a plan

In my experience, the priority for the holidays is to ensure they go as smoothly as possible. One of best ways to make this happen is to create a plan for each day. Be very specific, bearing in mind that the child needs structure and routine.This will ensure a sense of security by knowing what is to happen during the day. Use pictures to help the child understand. A word of warning - stick to the plan, otherwise you risk even more upset and stress!

Provide security.

Ensure the child's favourite toy or comforter is readily available, sometimes a special dvd or cd works well. I have found a portable dvd player to be an absolute life saver, when visiting supportive friends. Don't underestimate the power of repetition- what we as adults see as repetition, the child sees as comfort and calming, great for easing anxiety and reducing stress.

Avoid sensory overload.

The usual exciting activities that herald the christmas season can be nightmarish for children with asd. The big red santa, the dazzling christmas lights  or the busy shopping malls are excruciatingly difficult for these kids so if at all possible avoid them, if not try to minimise the effects by short visits.

Focus on the present!

Try to keep your focus in the present moment, rather than thinking about what you 'should' or 'could' be doing. Delay any non urgent jobs until after the holidays, and devote yourself to making the 'holiday' as pleasant as possible. This is not the time to plan new activities, stick to the tried and true.

Ensure you have extra support.

Don't be afraid to ask for support, this time of the year can be a very challenging time for parents with children with ASD, however with planning and organisation and support, the stress can be minimised.

Remember you are the expert on your child's needs.

Sometimes it can be easy to be persuaded by well meaning friends to take part in activities that you KNOW your child will not cope with, just to 'keep the peace'. Remember, you are your child's advocate and the best person to make the decisions for them when they are under stress. Learn to trust your gut and follow it.

Finally - plan your 'alternative holiday.'

One thing that I believe is very important is to plan an alternative holiday for when the school holidays are over, and  the routine is re established. Even if it is a weekend away, with someone caring for your child it is important to do this step.

This does 2 things - 

1. it this gives you a chance to recharge your own batteries so you can be the best parent for your child.
2. it provides you with an incentive work toward, when the going is really tough.

When I think back to the early years with my daughter, the christmas holidays seemed endless. It certainly was not a happy relaxed time. I have learnt ways to help with this, so I hope some of these experiences may be useful.

About the author

Julie Rowlands is a certified coach, NLP practitioner with an extensive background in primary health as a practice nurse. This gives her a unique perspective to inspire, encourage and challenge her clients to reach for want they want. Julie is the parent of a young woman with autism, who constantly inspires her, and keeps her very much 'on track' for what is really important!