Emotional bank account withdrawals and lost opportunities… a common event in many business settings resulting in loss to the individuals and the company. I know this is a common occurrence, and yet it doesn’t need to happen this way.

“That’s not right” was Peters immediate response to Barbara’s suggestion.

Barbara was deeply embarrased and retreated, the blood pressure of both people headed upward.

Barbara’s enthusiasm suffered a blow and what could have been a good idea was sent to the back of mind, never to be revisited again.

How might Peter have dealt with this situation better?

TIPS:

Step 1 - ACKNOWLEDGE THE PERSON FOR THEIR CONTRIBUTION; 

Find a way of acknowledging their contribution authentically.  You don’t need to be in agreement with their ideas, but there will most often be something you can outwardly appreciate about it.  Pay special attention to their body language so you know that they are still ‘open’ before you move to Step 2.

Step 2 – OPEN UP REASONS TO EXPLORE OTHER POSSIBILITIES

Don’t ignore the fact that they may feel ‘unvalued’.  Where you can, include a plausible link to the idea they contributed in the first instance.  Watch their body language so you know they are still ‘open’ before you move to Step 3.

Step 3 – GET THEIR PERMISSION TO EXPLORE OTHER POSSIBILITIES

Watch their body language as well as listening for their verbal agreement.  Do not proceed if they are no longer ‘open’ or in ‘rapport’ with you.  If no rapport exists, go back to Step 2.

Step 3 – ASK AN OPEN QUESTION

Open questions create a greater return.  No questions that can be answered with yes or no will continue to fuel the ‘rapport’ you are aiming to maintain in this instance.  A powerful open question will require shifting perspective to answer it… it encourages ‘creative enquiry’. Use words like ‘would’, ‘could’ & ‘what’.  This type of question requires mental stretch to answer it.

Step 4 – REMEMBER; to appreciate the new ideas and willingness of that person to remain open to exploring these other possible solutions.

If the person begins to ‘close’ down at any stage, go back to step 3; gain permission to continue or agree to come back at a later time. 

About the author

"Having studied intrinsic and extrinsic motivation through the viewpoint of many different modalities, I discovered the best way to move forward and create a life of mastery and purpose. I realised, there is a significant mismatch between what science knows and what people & business do. I have made it my purpose to take the learnings of many years into the lives of people & organisations, to those who are willing to look at how they get what they get & take the challenge to approach life powerfully by working with their own intrinsic motivation to power them forward with purpose."