It seems like every day there are more articles and books being written about positive thinking. Some support the benefits of positive thinking and others warn against its pitfalls. I wonder, is either approach right, or is there another way that will support us in leading a happy and fulfilled life?

Positive Thinking as an Answer

At one end of the scale are authors such as Napolean Hill (Think and Grow Rich) and Rhonda Byrne (The Secret) who claim that absolutely everything is possible through positive thinking - from unlimited success and lasting happiness to vibrant health and boundless wealth; from finding the perfect life partner or career to the ultimate fulfilment of all our dreams. They advise us that we just need to think it and it will be so: we just need to set up the correct thought vibration, clearly visualise and energetically affirm our desired outcome, and all good things will be ours.

Those coming from this position say that by putting the best possible spin on everything and having the attitude that everything will turn out all right in the end, stress is reduced, motivation to achieve goals is heightened and success is guaranteed.

Positive Thinking as a Hazard

At the other extreme are authors such as Barbara Ehrenreich (Bright-Sided) and Barbara Held (Stop Smiling, Start Kvetching) who are vigorously opposed to what they see as slavish reliance on positive thinking. They see this kind of dependence as being risky, believing it can lead to wishful thinking, resulting in either extreme risk-taking or self-satisfied complacency and lack of action. They consider either of these unbalanced approaches will eventually result in disappointment and disillusionment.

One of the dangers inherent in the popular notion of positive thinking has been expresses by some as the possibility that people relying on it may think that it has some magical quality which will bring them everything they need, rather than realising that they also need to work towards achieving what they want in life.

Which Approach is Right?

So, who's right? Is it all or nothing? Is it either? Is it neither? Or is there a middle way - possibly Positive Realism or Realistic Positivity?

A Balanced View of Positive Thinking

I think a balanced position is not only possible, it is vital to our ongoing wellbeing. Without a balanced approach we can end up denying our true feelings and missing out on some of the richness of the experience of being human. Without a reasonable viewpoint we risk two possible outcomes: We could end up spending our life with our head in the sand pretending nothing bad will ever happen and denying our natural emotions and reactions; or we could find ourselves with our head in the clouds thinking nothing can ever touch us as long as we don't look down. I'd rather have my feet on the ground and look life right in the eye.

This in no way means we should fatalistically immerse ourselves in all of life's trauma and drama and give up on our dreams. It is one of life's great paradoxes that once we accept that real life includes such things as loss, grief, pain, ageing, illness, sadness and so on; we can begin to build a realistically positive attitude and a possibility-focused approach which will sustain us.

A Positive Outlook is About More Than Positive Thinking

It is this positive attitude and possibility-focus, rather than the popularised version of positive thinking, which is most effective in creating a fulfilled and satisfying life. We can't just think bad stuff away, but by taking a positive look at how things could be better we can focus on generating alternatives and become more motivated to take determined action to make our dreams into reality.

Understanding our strengths helps us to develop a sense of capability and a belief in an eventual positive outcome when we are faced with unexpected difficulties and obstacles. Seeing ourselves as resourceful and our actions as being effective takes a lot of the struggle out of challenging situations. Knowing that we can draw on our past successes helps build our sense of self-esteem and strengthens our resolve to take the actions required to achieve our goals.

Building resilience increases our sense of being able to weather life's storms. A strong belief in our own worth and in the goodness of life will help sustain us through setbacks. Holding onto a clear vision of who we want to be and how we want to live our life keeps us focused on the outcome we desire and makes us more likely to recognise opportunities and make the most of them. Tapping into our imagination and intuition will also help us to create opportunities, knowing that we are worth the very best that life has to offer. 

About the author

Marian Kerr draws on experience and skills gained through self-employment, team leading, training, journalism and extensive community work to gently communicate her vision of self-acceptance and self-empowerment to clients of all ages.