Our desire for change can start as a nagging feeling that life could be better than it is, or it could stem from a deep dissatisfaction with some particular aspect of our day-by-day existence. As well as opening up possibilities for personal growth and positive transformation, change can bring up all sorts of fears and conflicting feelings. Your approach to change will determine the outcome.

When faced with change you may experience a mix of emotions

Some, such as excitement, hope and relief will be energising and keep you moving forward and others, such as fear, anger and resentment will keep you stuck where you are. These emotions are normal. None of them are 'wrong', but not all of them are helpful. Recognising and accepting your feelings allows you to experience them fully and then move on. Fighting them isn't necessary and will only wear you out.

Sometimes it is enough to say to yourself, 'I'm sad today, and that's okay'. It is normal to experience a sense of loss during a time of change. Even if the change is a positive one, you are leaving behind not only the way things are now but also the way you thought they would be. Giving yourself permission to express your feelings safely allows you to have a choice in what you do next.

Our minds can only hold one thought at a time

If you can move on to another activity or another thought then you can get yourself unstuck. If you stay focused on your worries and fear then that is all you will see. If you start focusing on what you hope to achieve and build a clear picture of how you want your life to be, then that will give you more energy and more motivation to make changes or try new things.

Change allows you a chance to get to know yourself better

It can be helpful to identify your values and learn more about what is important to you. Acknowledging your strengths also reminds you of the personal resources you have to draw on to sustain you and see you through difficult and unsettling times. Getting a clearer idea of your goals and what you want out of life helps you take control and make plans to help you achieve your dreams and move on to be and do what is best for you in your life.

Change can be overwhelming - don't try to tackle it all at once

Try to focus on one small step at a time. Practicing new thoughts and behaviours little by little helps you to build change into your life. The more you succeed in the small steps, the easier it becomes. Each small step gets you closer to where you ultimately want to be.

Don't be worried if you don't get it completely right all at once. It is normal to go forward and then seem to go back a little bit or stay in the same place for a short while. The trick is not to stay stuck. If something isn't working for you, try something else. The more you can focus on the positive outcomes you are seeking, the more you will build connections in your brain that will support the changes you want to make.

Change takes time, it takes patience and it takes repetition

Be gentle on yourself - small steps will get you to where you want to be. Remind yourself of the wonderful person you are and believe deeply that you deserve the best. Let yourself know in no uncertain terms that you have what it takes to achieve your dreams.

Write down your goals. This is the most effective way to get your dreams and desires out of your head and to be able to organise your thoughts clearly. Than your mind is free to begin to work out the steps you will need to take to bring about the changes you want in your life.

Commit fully to your goals and regularly reaffirm your belief that you have and are all you need to achieve those goals.

Let yourself feel them as a reality in your life. Then start behaving as if you are already where you want to be. Change is a process. It begins with a decision. Then you react to the change with a range of feelings. After this you can act to progressively bring about the changes that will move you forward to build the life you truly want to be living.

Personal growth comes a little a time - celebrate each success

Congratulate yourself for every small success and achievement you experience. Celebrate your own worth and ability every step along the way. Small steps will lead you to positive changes and personal growth that lasts.

About the author

Marian Kerr draws on experience and skills gained through self-employment, team leading, training, journalism and extensive community work to gently communicate her vision of self-acceptance and self-empowerment to clients of all ages.