Ever felt that something that you’ve experienced or that was done to you is holding you back? Forgiveness is giving up a grievance, which you are entitled to. It doesn’t mean forgetting or reconciliation; it doesn’t mean condoning, it’s not about justice and doesn’t make what happened ok.

You can compare this to carrying a heavy bag full of stones around with you and then deciding to unpack that bag and no longer carry the burden with you. The act of letting go is linked to caring for yourself, and so you refuse to allow your past to continue to hurt you. Our wounds do not hurt the people who hurt us, they hurt only us, and so we release our attachment to these wounds. It is also an act to free you from the need of personal vengeance and the perception of oneself as a victim. Releasing the control that the past has over you is not betrayal, it is however saving yourself. Getting past your past means letting go of who you thought you were supposed to be or how you thought things were supposed be. It is acceptance of the reality of what happened and it means living in the now. Peace can only be found in the present.

Forgiveness is something you do for yourself not for others. Letting go or forgiveness is an act of will, where you free yourself from the claws of obsession about the hurt. Thus closure is retrieving your spirit from yesterday. It seems impossible until you do it.

So we take responsibility for our own lives and therefore can’t put blame on that which has caused the hurt any more. This is empowering and provides healing and freedom.

Keep your spirit in the present, there is only now!

In letting go of past hurt, you may want to write a letter addressed to yourself or the perpetrator filled with all the feelings, emotions and thoughts you’ve experienced. You can also write thoughts, feeling and behaviour that you want to release on small pieces of paper, which you then discard by burying or burning.

Forgiveness is often something that is dealt with successfully in counselling.

References: Myss, C. Anatomy of the Spirit.1998 Britten, R. Fearless Living. 2001

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About the author

Petro offers individual counselling/coaching on anxiety, social competence, lifestyle change, self-esteem, career development, goals, motivation, achievement, stress management, and optimal functioning in the workplace. She enjoys relationship, marriage, couples counselling/coaching and has a passion for assisting couples to rebuild their connections. With her Masters degree in clinical Social Work, her main approach is Positive Psychology and Solution Focussed therapy.