This is about my journey of preparation on my way to meeting my husband.

‘Dear Soul Mate..'

The year before we met, I wrote letters to my husband to be. Long honest letters full of my hopes, dreams and sometimes my fears. I described our relationship; the goodness of our love together and how we would be for our children, our families and friends.

My inspiration came from ‘Write it down, make it happen' by Henriette Anne Klauser PHD. One section is about a woman who wrote letters to her love, before they met, including a description of their meeting; all of which came to be.

The letters I wrote helped me trust that my ‘true love' was alive and well, and living his life. We were both on our way to each other and we would meet at the right time.

Being sure that something will happen helps make it happen. I thought of myself as someone on my way to meet the right person for me. I felt/ knew that he was some where in the world, living his life. At one stage when I wondered where he was, ‘why hadn't we met yet?' I received a clear ‘answer' that he was in another country and had things to do before we could meet. He was and he did.

I treated myself as I would like my partner to treat me. I bought myself flowers; I ate well and created a nourishing environment for myself and for my son.

Completions

In winter, I sat by the fire and wrote completion letters to past partners. I thanked each person for what was positive in our relationship and acknowledged how I had grown from our being together. I wrote about what was incomplete for me and anything I was still angry or upset about. I apologised for my part in any difficulties and for any hurt I had caused. I asked for forgiveness. I wished them well. I forgave. Then I visualised letting this go, handing it over or ‘up' to the universe for transformation. I put the pages into the fire. I let go. I did this over several days. In the process I laughed and cried and grieved. I felt lighter and more complete in myself, more ready.

Simplifying (aka Clutter Clearing)

I went through my house and cleared out everything I didn't want or need. (‘Clear your clutter with Feng Shui', by Karen Kingston, is brilliant). One of the biggest clutter clearing accomplishments of my life was to let go of (burn) six banana boxes of diaries, notebooks, and journals. 27 years of daily writing. I wanted to move forward in my life. I still appreciate the clarity and lightness of not having those boxes!

I finally wrote a list...

Two weeks before we met, we both independently wrote a list of qualities we wanted in a partner. My list was about 35 items long, starting with the most important qualities, ‘Kind, intelligent, good communication, compatible values and spirituality'..and later in the list, ‘we find each other incredibly attractive' (general qualities and shared experiences rather than specific details). I was guided by both negative and positive experiences with past partners, as well as qualities I had ‘downloaded' from people I had met.

I took care with the way I expressed myself, both verbally and in writing. I worded everything in the positive. At the bottom of the page I wrote things that would be great bonuses, one of these was ‘introduces me to lots of interesting new music'.

A few people I've spoken with find the idea of a list unromantic. I think of it as getting clear about what is important to you. It helps steer you towards what it is you want.

How we met..

At work one day (I was working in a bookshop), I saw a man who seemed incredibly familiar, as though he was someone I knew from a long time ago. He had recently returned from overseas and we talked while I helped him find books to give as gifts; being with him felt very comfortable. He came back a week later. When he asked me out for coffee, I felt an electric jolt to my heart! (‘Cupid!' one friend suggested!).

Over the next few months as we got to know each other as friends the ‘calm certain' core of me had chats with the ‘scared witless' parts. For all my preparation, I was surprised at how scared I was to be face to face with being really loved. ‘Scared witless' had plenty to say about carrying on as just good friends, all very reasonable sounding!

‘Calm certainty' eventually won through. We have a wonderful committed marriage; rich, fun, supportive, passionate, companionable and inspiring.

Everything on my list has come about (and yes, he introduces me to lots of interesting new music) , as well as many extra bonus things I hadn't thought to write. I wanted and now enjoy, a real marriage; a relationship where we can both be ourselves and grow to be more of who we can be.

We both feel incredibly blessed!