I am wondering how some young people today can be comfortable with carrying knives, ok with stealing, converting cars, drinking and driving young, abusing each other, having fights in the school ground sending abusive and threatening texts to each other… are abusive to teachers and other adults, are disrespectful of authority - all types which are in the news every day - disheartening us further about their future. This is a short list of stuff we hear about daily. So…
• Where are their internal rules for living a good life, about being caring, loving and law abiding in all this? • Who is teaching them this stuff? Is it not cool to have morals? • Where are the basic rules for life which say its not ok to beat someone up, or steel, abuse or threaten, or flout rules which are designed to help everyone? • What is not happening that kids (and adults) can easily put aside simple rules to cause chaos and disharmony in their and their family’s lives? • Is this a problem seen only in low socioeconomic areas? Or only in single parent’s families… no. It is now a systemic problem and it has evolved through all age groups and affects all demographics. Once upon a time, some years ago we learned values, commandments, a philosophy, mores, and principles to live by… from our parents, and extended family and it was common for us to go to Sunday School, and read Bible stories, fables and happily ever after stories to our children. The Sunday School taught a lot of these principles, we read them and re-enforced them, and the school had a religious instruction day which endorsed them. Other religions have their religious instruction as of right which had a list of dos and don’ts to live by. And schools had rules which everyone respected. So why did our society have religious instruction in schools, for what purpose you may ask? These teachings supported some of the values which we had embedded in the children at an early age. They supported some of the principles by which we lived, in primarily a “Christian Based Rules society” and the kids learned indirectly and directly about what was a good thing to do and what wasn’t. They enforced understanding of philosophical doctrine, or the family religion, and rules for society and set solid standards for the family to live by. So what has happened? The choice about whether children had ‘religious teachings” at school was taken away, and for some schools is now optional, and not that commonplace. ( Some parents choose to send their children to Private religious based schools to give them values they themselves were brought up with which are also part of the curriculum.) Taking “religious instruction” away from schools began the slow deletion of teaching some form of “morals, principles, and values” at public schools. I am not saying that it was the best way to give useful instruction, but there wasn’t any other type of class available to replace it when it went. The gap it left wasn’t replaced by any other teachings which ensured that children had a positive and constructive philosophy to support them as they grew up. And religious instruction at home has declined also. (In the 2006 Census 35% of people ticked “No Religious Affiliation” an increase of 15% from 1991 Census.) So where are the children learning the basic values, rules for life, rules for society and how to be good, fair minded and caring individuals? This article is not about bringing back religion, it is about the responsibility that parents (and schools) have to ensure that children get some instruction from a very early age on 1. What the rules of society are all about…i.e. not stealing, not killing, caring for each other 2. All the ‘do’s and don’ts” and the reasons why, and also to ensure 3. they have a general philosophy they can use to underpin their lives, give it meaning and purpose and to give them some great values to live by. If children are not taught these things implicitly, they will learn them others unconsciously by modelling the parents, friends and other influential people in their life, without discernment, correction or amendment. They will make up their own rules from observing how others live their lives… often without a great example to follow. The increase in teen suicide also indicates that young people don’t hold an encompassing “reason d’être” or purpose which they can hold on to when difficulties and stress arises. If you have young children, and don’t want to thrust “religion” down their throats, sit down and decide what sort of “philosophy” “rules for life” and “beliefs and values” you want them to learn, which you can then endorse and support as they grow. Make sure these overlap with some of societies values and rules - so they can live peacefully in it. Also teach them that these are values which will evolve as they grow, and they can adapt, modify, discard or take on new ones as they mature. Remember, if you belong to a particular religious group, that your children may still need to learn some generic or non-religious values and philosophy to help them live in their society. (Road rules, school rules, law etc.) If children don’t have some form of values teaching from an very early age - from home, schools and the wider community, they will pick up other people’s values that they think are ok, when they might not necessarily be that “ok” with you or society! Something to think about. And remember, (just to put another spanner in the works) even if you teach them all the values and beliefs you have, from an NLP perspective they may still work towards or away from some of them!

About the author

Zoe Wilkinson is a Life Coach, NLP Trainer, and NLP Master Practitioner based in Tauranga. Her passion is helping people live more fulfilled, happier, graceful lives. She teaches parenting skills, life skills and persona excellence at night classes, and is the recent recipient of An Exceptional Adult Educator Commendation in 2010. Email : zoew@xtra.co.nz or phone 07-576-0941.